What are five specific things wives can do to engage their husbands fully before, during and after delivery of their child?

This week we watched a power point about marital satisfaction going down after the birth of your children. We were supposed to do a discussion board about different things, I thought I would share what I wrote about the things wives can do specifically to help with the transition of having a child.

What are five specific things wives can do to engage their husbands fully before, during and after delivery of their child?

1.)   Involve your husband in the prenatal appointments; one way you can do this is by scheduling the ultrasound appointments when he can be there. Him being able to be there to see that baby and be part of it will help him feel closer to the baby and feel like he is part of the pregnancy. Also it might be helpful to show how important it is to have him involved. Let him know that you want him there that he matters and is important in the pregnancy process.

2.)   One thing that the power point talked about was making sure you take the time to let your husband feel the baby kick, and explain how it feels and what is going on. As the mother you have the bonding experience of the baby growing, and developing. You get to feel the baby kicking and enjoy the excitement. If you don’t invite you husband to experience it, and explain it to him, he may feel left out! I think this is a very important bonding concept for your husband and the child, as well as between you and your husband as you feel your child growing together.

3.)   Make sure at the delivery that he has priority over other family members. As women we most likely will want our mothers with us to help and comfort us through the birth. However, our husband is also becoming a parent and needs to be needed. He may be nervous and stressed, as well as possibly feeling uneasy about his position in your life with this new member coming to the family. He needs to know that he is needed and important in that exciting and crazy time of birth. He is the father, not just some guy who happens to be involved. I think it is also important to make these boundaries clear before the actual labor.

4.)   After you have the baby it is really important to give him opportunities to bond with the child. Either by letting him get up with the baby, setting aside specific time with him, or just involving him in all the little things. Brother Williams talked about how he would get up and take care of the baby unless they needed fed, this really helped him bond with his children. Things like, bathing, changing, playing, feeding, and cuddling. These things will help him feel close to the baby, but also help you all come closer as a family. There is no ones size fits all, you need to tailor it to your family.

5.)   The last thing is a combination of things. I think it is so important that throughout the whole process you continue to show him and tell him that he is needed. Make efforts to show him you love and need him. Help him feel that he is an irreplaceable part of your life. That your love for your child will never replace your love for him. Show an outpouring of love for him and all he contributes. Never forget to thank him for what he does. Make sure to spend time together as a couple, to bond and be close. As a wife if we do these things I think it will also bless us. These things are not just for him, but for our relationship, the more selfless you are, the better the relationship will be.

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Did you know?

    

Did you know there is such a thing as misattribution of arousal? Meaning there are certain things that make us think we are more attracted to someone than we actually are? Crazy right? Usually what does it is an adrenaline rush, so when we do things like roller coasters, or haunted houses, we can actually find people more attractive or desirable! Turns out our “feelings” cannot always be trusted. Maybe that’s why people fall in love with people who save them? Food for thought!

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Love, Marriage, and Dating.

This week we talked about dating, marriage and love. There is so much information, and so much one can learn on these subjects. I will focus on just a few.

First off is something that John Van Epp taught in his book. It is called the;

Relationship Attachment Model

Or RAM for short. It talks about the importance of understanding your relationship attachment. This picture explains what it looks like. If you will notice the bar is highest on know, then trust, rely, commit, and finally touch. We talked about when you are dating if you put say touch above know, you may find yourself in an unhappy or compromising position. This was just one mans theory about the best way of dating, but it does give some helpful insights to what we may want to pay attention too.

            We also talked about the Know-Quo. As you can see by the picture above, the three T’s are Time, Talk, and Togetherness. This idea is talking about the best way to “know” someone. I found this very interesting, especially in our culture to date for a very short time before marriage. This is saying that it takes you 3 months to begin to know someone. Not that I am against people getting married soon, but I wonder if we are to hasty sometimes in our desire to be married. Interesting to think about!

            The last thing I want to talk about is the Greek’s four “loves” or way of loving. As the picture shows we have;

Agape: This is the kind of love often referred to as charity. Someone in my class described it as a commitment to someone’s well being, without expecting something in return.

Eros: This is the passionate, sexual, or romantic love. It is where the word erotic comes from.

Storge: This is the kind of love parent have for their children. Some people also say it is the love children have for parents.

Philia: This is brotherly love, friendship, affection, or fondness.

Which kind of love do you think is best in a marriage?

It was really great to read, and learn about these different loves, as well as about dating and such. There are so many things we can learn about love, I found it really fascinating!

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Born This Way?

       This week we also discussed some sensitive subjects. Same gender attraction. Now I don’t mean to offend or hurt anyone with my thoughts. I simply wish to relate the things that I am learning. We discussed what science can and cannot explain. There is a lot of popular belief about this subject, which frankly is not true. There are many things that are popular that people accept as fact, that are not factual at all!  One of the common assumptions is that people who are homosexual are “born that way”. There is simply no definitive proof that that is true. There is no biological proof that people are born homosexual. A lot of the evidence points to circumstances in people’s lives that shape their choice to identify as gay. Now let me stop and say truthfully we don’t know exactly why someone has same gender attraction. It could be a mixture of biology, temperament, experiences, etc. I mostly want to provide links and resources for those who are curious, or concerned. I cannot articulate as well as the authors of the different studies and papers. I hope these things will be helpful. 
Understanding Same- Sex Attraction
Homosexuality: What Science Can and Cannot Say
Exotic Becomes Erotic: A developmental theory of same-sex attraction
The Exotic Becomes Erotic: Explaining the enigma of sexual orientation
Born that Way? Facts and fiction about Homosexuality
Special Report: Sexuality and Gender: Findings from the Biological, Psychological, and Social Sciences
Wasn't Born This Way. I Choose to be Gay. by Brandon Amborsinao.
Homosexuality and the Gospel with Ty Mansfield
   In the end one of the things that stuck out to me is that God loves us, and although we do not always understand the whys, we do know He will help us. He sent His Son Jesus Christ, to suffer and die for us. To understand all that we feel, we are never alone! If we choose to follow His gospel and have faith in Christ, He will help us! He will always be there to lift us up!

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Gender Roles

            This week, one of the things we spoke about in class was gender, and gender roles. I loved what one of the girls in class said about us trying to be like Christ, and that as we do that, our natural tendencies will come out in the most positive manner. I do believe from what I read, learn, and have experienced, that men and women are different. We have different roles in society and in our homes. I feel that there needs to be a balance, I think for my children I want to teach them to be very capable. I want my girls to be able to change a tire, and my boys to be able to clean the house. That said I do not plan to raise my children as if there is no difference in gender. There is. I don’t know that I will intentionally raise my children different because of gender; I feel it is more the needs of the individual child, not the gender that will make the most difference. I think naturally children of different gender will be raised different simply because of their needs.

            I think it is important to note that most people do not fit perfectly into a stereotype. Some girls are more aggressive and some boys are more sensitive. I do not feel these things need to be squashed out of the children because it does not perfectly fit the stereotype. One thing that I think is very prevalent now is that being a mother and the roles associated with that, are looked down on as degrading to women. I do not agree! God has asked us to call Him Father, that shows the importance and sacredness He puts on parenthood! I think there is not greater calling than to be a mother. There is nothing wrong with being kind and nurturing, in fact I believe we could use a little more of it in our world.

            I firmly believe that God made men and women different to compliment each other. If we were the same we wouldn’t learn, and we wouldn’t need each other. Gods divine plan made it to where we are greatest when we are united with each other and with God. 

           There are a lot of people who want us to believe men and women are totally the same, and that the only difference comes from society, but the evidence does not support that.We watched an interesting video about this, here is the link: Men, Women, and the Sex Difference 

There was also an article we read called Infants Prefer Toys By Gender. I find it very interesting that the only "studies" or "discoveries" we hear about are the ones that are popular and very "socially acceptable". It is interesting that if you speak out against what people want to hear, you are often ignored or silenced. Ignorance is not bliss, it can have strong and lasting consequences. Unfortunately many people choose this kind of "informed" ignorance over truth. I think the most important thing to understand and remember that different isn't bad, in fact different is good. When we are different we learn and compliment each other.

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