Parenting

This week we have been talking about parenting, parenting styles, disciplining and that sort of thing. One of the things that was said, by whom I cannot remember was something to the affect of  “the more we seek to control, the less likely we are to influence”. Think about that in regards to children and parenting?

We talked about the Problem Handling Model from Michael Popkins, Active parenting. One of the important things to see there, is that it is not necessarily the problem solving method, but handling. This is important when it comes to children. Children don’t always need us to “solve” things, and things do not always have a perfect solution, what we need to do is learn to handle situations. In the Problem Handling Model, there are different approaches depending on who “owns” the problem. Owning the problems does not mean who is to blame, but who is most affected by the problem or wants the problem to change.

If it is the child’s problem, the best thing we can do is provide verbal and emotional support. We must allow our children to learn from natural consequences. Natural consequences are things that will happen well, naturally. We cannot swoop in and “save” them, unless

1. The natural consequence is too dangerous.

2. The consequence is to far in the future to provide a learning experience.

3. If the consequences will affect others negatively.

 It is also important to step back as the parent and not “preach” at them. Typically when someone does something stupid, they don’t need someone else to point it out to them, they get it. Let the child feel your love, and let them learn. Show confidence that they can fix or help the situation they have put themselves in. We talked about how it is really important for us to respect our children, when we respect them they respect us. They say that the only power you have over your kids when they become teenagers is the power of your relationship, so make it positive and strong. 

We spoke about how “punishment” is not really a great way to teach your children, disciplining is different then punishing. Discipline means to teach. Whereas punishment is something a superior does to someone inferior.

Now we move onto what should be done if the parents “own” the problem.

1. Is a polite request of the child, to do something or change a behavior. We need to speak in a calm and respectful manner.

2. If this does not work we use an “I” Statement. “I” statements have four parts to it:

·      You would say something like “When you (insert issue)

·      “I” Feel (insert emotion)

·      Because (insert why)

·      I would like (insert request)

3.If this still does not work, we then move onto a firm request or statement.

4.Lastly if we are ignored, we use Logical Consequences, consequences that the child knows about, and logically connects to the issue. If at any time the issue is corrected, remember to acknowledge it and thank them!

            This is a very brief summary of a very interesting and helpful model, I just wanted to share how awesome this stuff is, and encourage everyone to try it out! Like I said this is Michael Popkins model, feel free to look him up!

(I do not own images)