Top Ten

   

    So for my final my teacher wanted us to make a list of our top ten things we learned, so I decided to share them on here!

1.     Communication

I feel like it was really important what we learned about not only communicating, but also communicating effectively. It is not enough to just talk. It’s important to have a safe environment to talk. Learning to listen and care about the other person will help you communicate better. I feel like if we spend more time trying to understand the other person and make them happy, we will be more effective and happy in our relationships. It was meaningful to learn about the 3 mediums of communication. 1. Words, 2. Tone, and 3. Non-Verbal. I feel it is important to recognize these things so that our communicating can be effective.

2.     Boundaries

This one goes along with communication. The most important boundary lesson I learned was the appropriate boundaries for husband and wife. I learned that you only discuss your issues, struggles, and fights with each other. Your sex life is also private and should only be between the two of you. You need to be united as a couple, and deal with issues together. It was interesting to learn about how the man should be involved in the wedding details, and not all things should be done just between the wife and her mother. There need to be boundaries between married people and their parents. Learning about these boundaries has been really important to me. I also found it important to learn how to have friends and not to do things with the opposite gender alone it only leads to trouble.

3.     Family system theories

I thought what we learned about family systems was really meaningful. How important the family is to society and the importance of it. What I got most out of this was that the family is very dependent on each part. Anything one member does effects all the other members even if it is just in small ways. We all lean on each other and need each other. As a family we are stronger, but we can also be damaged most by our family when they break our trust. I think understanding that the different family systems that people have grown up with will change how they act and behave. Understanding this will help us give people the benefit of the doubt and really try to understand where they are coming from.

4.     Including husbands in pregnancy etc.

It was very eye opening for me to realize how un-involved fathers often feel. I really liked talking about and figuring out ways to include fathers in all aspects of parenthood and child rearing. I loved the baby blues power point, and recognizing the potential issues and ways to help marital satisfaction stay high after having children. Children are a really stressful part of life, however they can bring lots of joy to people. I loved learning about and being aware of things that I can do to be successful. I also found it important that the husband does not feel replaced by the children; he still needs to be number one to his wife.

5.     RAM Model

I loved learning how important it is to know whom you are marrying before hand. We went over so many valuable things to look for in dating and things you should know before you are married. I loved the reminder that we should be doing certain things when we date. I had always believed it, but I have really come to understand better that we need to really know someone before we have a physical relationship. I also really liked the 3 T’s Time, Talk and Togetherness. I really want to get to know someone before I get married. The idea of misattribution of arousal was very eye opening, it is really important to know about that, so you are not misled by your body’s signals.

6.     Counseling together

I loved the guidance about counseling together. I liked the steps of, expressing love, praying for the Lords guidance, discussing until you come to a consensus of the Lord’s will, then pray and thank the Lord. I found the guidance very helpful and instructive. I feel like this is a great way to make decisions as a family. This also goes along with including children in different processes and letting them feel involved and important.

7.     Importance of fathers

Fathers are so important and often we take them for granted. We need fathers in the home. The role they play cannot be replaced. I really want to help my future husband know and feel this in my family. Along those lines it was interesting to see that families often lose money when they have both parents working. I often felt that although I do not want to work when I have children, I would have to too make ends meet. So I really liked learning about the statistics of this particular trend. From the readings and things we discussed in class, families are much better off with a father in the home. It is just a fact, they are important and needed, if we understood this better, we would have stronger families.

8.     Problem Handling model

I loved this model for raising children. I especially loved learning about how we as adults should respond to a child who is misbehaving or needs to do something. The step of politely asking is such an obvious thing, yet we often go way past it into aggression and demands. I am really excited to try this with my younger brothers, as I feel like it will help me communicate better with them, and give me a better relationship with them. I loved learning that there are better ways than yelling and threats. I have often felt like there was, but I was not sure what the steps would be. I found this information marvelous! I also loved the thoughts about respecting your children, if we respect them, they are much more likely to obey and respect us. We need to model those good behaviors to our children.

9.     Crisis handling

I loved learning about how to handle a crisis, and what makes a crisis such a big deal. I especially loved the Chinese symbol and the message of a crisis being danger and opportunity. I love learning that if we can look at a crisis in a positive way and pull together not apart, we can become stronger. I really want to try this in my life, and hopefully will become good at being positive! I feel like the ABCX model is something I will remember and apply in my life when challenges come. I loved the counsel about what strong families do. These are preventative measures for before the challenges come, if we are strong before hand, we can come through stronger. Learning that coping is an action word is really important as well.

10.  Marital satisfaction.

I guess what I learned most with this is that there needs to be love and mutual self-disclosure. Marriage needs to be a covenant, not just a contract. We need to think of others and how we can make them happy. If we go into a marriage thinking about what someone else can do for us, we will not be as satisfied. We need to respect our spouse’s thoughts, desires, and concerns. There will always be things that bug you about someone else; the key is to love them anyways. Having incompatibilities does not make the marriage fail, our responses and what we do with our incompatibilities can. If we work hard to follow these other patterns and counsel, we can make a marriage not only work, but be joyous! In the end this class helped me see that we need to take an active approach in our relationships, and we need to work for them. It also has taught me, that marriage and child rearing can bring the ultimate joy. From what I read and we discussed I feel like happiness is very possible, but also a lot of work. You cannot get something for nothing!  The harder we work for it, the more rewarding it will be.

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