Communication and Boundaries

There have been a couple things that have really stood out to me these last few weeks. Two of those things are, communication and boundaries. These two things actually fit together more than you might originally think. We have talked a lot about how important it is to communicate when you date, get engaged and when you get married. Communication could solve countless problems, however I do feel you need to learn to communicate effectively, not just talk at each other. I feel like to truly communicate; you need to have a safe environment to express your thoughts, hopes, and fears. Many of us choose to stay silent in our relationships to “avoid conflict” or something of that nature. In the end however, when we choose not to be open and honest, we are weakening our relationship.

We talked about boundaries, and one thing we talked about was how you shouldn’t talk to others about your sex life, or marital struggles. You should only be discussing these things with your spouse, even if they are the “problem”. When we discuss these things with other people, even family or close friends, we often damage either our relationship with our spouse, or our confidante’s relationship with our spouse. Where we may quickly get over something “bad” our spouse has done, the person we confide in will not. I have certainly seen this in my life when someone tells me something about his or her spouse. I would often feel offended and angered on my friends behalf, making me feel negatively toward their spouse, even after my friend is over it. This would often change the way I looked at the spouse of my friend, and it was not a positive change. On the same token, when I have been told intimate details of a couples personal life, it not only makes me feel uncomfortable, but it makes me feel weird around their spouse. There are some things that are between a husband and wife, and should not be shared with others.

Now lets put communication and boundaries together. You need to communicate with your spouse what sort of boundaries will be set. Boundaries need to be set for our families, friends, co-workers and etc. As a married couple it is two people joined together as one. Not two people plus whoever else feels like joining in. I keep learning how important it is to protect your marriage from anything that may weaken or damage it. We discussed that the way to be most satisfied in a marriage is to think of your spouse first. If we think of the well-being and happiness of our spouse, before our own, we will find much more happiness and satisfaction.

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