Family Systems Theory/Trends

          We talked a lot about different trends that have happened lately. The most interesting to me was the individualism trend. The idea that I will only do something because I WANT to, this idea that freedom means being free from obligation to anything but myself. This concept not only disturbs, but also saddens me. God has taught us that we are accountable for ourselves, but He has also linked us as families. When we live only for ourselves and what we happen to want at the moment, we are only living half of the life we could. God intents for us to have eternal joy, but that is not possible alone. I find that no matter how much I do for ME, I am never as satisfied as when I choose to put someone else first. Here is a really great video on the affects of this individualistic thinking on children Unchecked Expression of Adult Rights Harms Children.

            We also talked about Family Systems Theory, which is a way to try to explain and research families. We spoke of 4 specific theories.

Systems Theory: The whole is > than the sum of parts. It means that change in one part necessitates change in all parts. Meaning we all affect each other, our individual choices don’t only impact ourselves. We have different roles in families, as well as rules. Often unspoken rules, they had us think about unspoken rules and how they impact the family.

Exchange Theory: This is the theory of give and take. That in relationships we give either time, effort, love, etc and we hope to receive in return. When we find that we do not “receive” enough from someone, we tend to withdraw from that relationship. Some relationships seem unequal because we don’t understand the dynamics of that relationship, because we are all different. Therefore, we see “reward” differently, so some of us may feel we are receiving enough, even if it would not be sufficient for others. We talked about the best way to be happy in a relationship is to expect a lot of ourselves and not of others. Not meaning do everything, but focus more on what we can give, because when we give, we really receive.

Conflict Theory: The Idea that essentially everyone is in conflict over resources. That Power = influence. The more resources we have, the more power we have to influence others. We are all in conflict, either in our families or outside of our family.  It is this idea that society is not equal, there are different needs, and goals, and not everyone can always be satisfied so there is often conflict.

Symbolic Interaction Theory: This means that our actions symbolize something. Like an eye roll can convey annoyance, seems simple right? Unfortunately, people are complicated, and we don’t share meanings or interpretation. To one person folding your arms may be a sign of insecurity or being uncomfortable, where for someone else it may be a sign of being closed off and uninterested. This is the fascinating thing about humans, and why it is so hard to draw firm conclusions, because we are so different. Our social, economical, and cultural differences affect how we act and how we interpret the actions of others.

            We read a really interesting chapter about family systems theories, if anyone is interested in learning more about it let me know and I can send it to you.

            We talked about so much; it is hard to articulate everything we learned. One thing that is being emphasized in my mind over and over is that family matters. Family is worth fighting for. The more I learn, the more I realize there are so many things we can do to strengthen our families and our relationships. I hope that I am able to apply these things I am learning in my life!

-Melanie

*Again I do not own images.