What is Class?

We talked quite a bit about what makes someone “classy” and what makes someone “cultured”. We watched these videos seeing different people from social economic classes, and what I realized is that “class” at least in my opinion, has nothing to do with how big your checkbook is. People base what they judge about people on many different things, Money, Ancestry, mannerisms, education, property or location, speech patterns, and dress and grooming, etc. Most of us look at those things and form an opinion on someone, but perceptions are not always realistic. You can have all the money in the world, yet still not be someone to look up to.

What I understand and feel is that people’s worth is not something to be defined by material things. The impact someone makes on others has to do with WHO they are inside. It has to do with how they treat people. I also find those who are truly happy are not always those with material status or wealth, but those who have fulfilling personal and family lives. The people I look up to and admire are not really rich, famous, or well know. They are people who have impacted my life in a positive manner. Those who have believed in me, those who have supported, loved, and helped me in this journey of life. They are those people who love and serve God; they are example of what followers of Christ should be. To me these people are “classy” these people make a difference in this world. In a world where we are so caught up in the Hollywood and worldly ways, we often forget what really matters. To me, people matter, no matter who they are, no matter what their economic or material status, we are all children of God, and we should treat each other as such. I think real “classy” people love others and are kind.

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Moral Relativism

This week we discussed the fact that not all family systems are equal, that there are good ways and less good ways to effectively raise a family. That not all ways are as effective and helpful. There is a website that helped show some of the differences http://www.familystructurestudies.com/ this site really helped show some of the ways not all family set ups are as healthy as others. We also read a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, called “Truth and Tolerance”, I really enjoyed reading his talk! He spoke of the need to be tolerant, but also the need to stand up for the Lords way. One of the things he said in his talk reminded me of some of the things we learned last week about individualism, he said:

“It is well to worry about our moral foundation.  We live in a world where more and more persons of influence are teaching and acting out a belief that there is no absolute right and wrong, that all authority and all rules of behavior are man-made choices that can prevail over the commandments of God.  Many even question whether there is a God.

The philosophy of moral relativism, which holds that each person is free to choose for himself what is right and wrong, is becoming the unofficial creed for many in America and other western nations.  At the extreme level, evil acts that used to be localized and covered up like a boil are now legalized and paraded like a banner.

On the foundation belief in right and wrong there is an alarming contrast between the older and the younger generations.  According to survey data of two decades ago, 80 percent of American adults believed “there are clear guidelines about what’s good and evil that apply to everyone regardless of the situation.”[4]  In contrast, a more recent poll of college seniors suggests that “three-quarters of [them] believe that the difference between right and wrong is relative.”[5]” (TRUTH AND TOLERANCE Elder Dallin H. Oaks CES Fireside September 11, 2011)

            What he says really highlights a big problem in our world today, that morality is relative, and that all things are equally good. I love what he goes on to say is our duty as believers:

“Our tolerance and respect for others and their beliefs does not cause us to abandon our commitment to the truths we understand and the covenants we have made.  That is a third absolute truth.  We are cast as combatants in the war between truth and error.  There is no middle ground.  We must stand up for truth, even while we practice tolerance and respect for beliefs and ideas different from our own and for the people who hold them.” (TRUTH AND TOLERANCE Elder Dallin H. Oaks CES Fireside September 11, 2011)

                  I really enjoyed reading his talk and learning about what the Lord expects of us, and that truth is not relative, truth is truth, and it does not change. If you want to read the talk here is the link

Truth or Tolerance

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Eyes Wide Open

I just wanted to throw in a fun little quote we talked about in class ↓

Before Marriage

After Marriage

I loved this quote! Because we need to know what we are getting into, but then we need to let go of judgement and love that person.
-Melanie

I do not own photos.

Family Systems Theory/Trends

          We talked a lot about different trends that have happened lately. The most interesting to me was the individualism trend. The idea that I will only do something because I WANT to, this idea that freedom means being free from obligation to anything but myself. This concept not only disturbs, but also saddens me. God has taught us that we are accountable for ourselves, but He has also linked us as families. When we live only for ourselves and what we happen to want at the moment, we are only living half of the life we could. God intents for us to have eternal joy, but that is not possible alone. I find that no matter how much I do for ME, I am never as satisfied as when I choose to put someone else first. Here is a really great video on the affects of this individualistic thinking on children Unchecked Expression of Adult Rights Harms Children.

            We also talked about Family Systems Theory, which is a way to try to explain and research families. We spoke of 4 specific theories.

Systems Theory: The whole is > than the sum of parts. It means that change in one part necessitates change in all parts. Meaning we all affect each other, our individual choices don’t only impact ourselves. We have different roles in families, as well as rules. Often unspoken rules, they had us think about unspoken rules and how they impact the family.

Exchange Theory: This is the theory of give and take. That in relationships we give either time, effort, love, etc and we hope to receive in return. When we find that we do not “receive” enough from someone, we tend to withdraw from that relationship. Some relationships seem unequal because we don’t understand the dynamics of that relationship, because we are all different. Therefore, we see “reward” differently, so some of us may feel we are receiving enough, even if it would not be sufficient for others. We talked about the best way to be happy in a relationship is to expect a lot of ourselves and not of others. Not meaning do everything, but focus more on what we can give, because when we give, we really receive.

Conflict Theory: The Idea that essentially everyone is in conflict over resources. That Power = influence. The more resources we have, the more power we have to influence others. We are all in conflict, either in our families or outside of our family.  It is this idea that society is not equal, there are different needs, and goals, and not everyone can always be satisfied so there is often conflict.

Symbolic Interaction Theory: This means that our actions symbolize something. Like an eye roll can convey annoyance, seems simple right? Unfortunately, people are complicated, and we don’t share meanings or interpretation. To one person folding your arms may be a sign of insecurity or being uncomfortable, where for someone else it may be a sign of being closed off and uninterested. This is the fascinating thing about humans, and why it is so hard to draw firm conclusions, because we are so different. Our social, economical, and cultural differences affect how we act and how we interpret the actions of others.

            We read a really interesting chapter about family systems theories, if anyone is interested in learning more about it let me know and I can send it to you.

            We talked about so much; it is hard to articulate everything we learned. One thing that is being emphasized in my mind over and over is that family matters. Family is worth fighting for. The more I learn, the more I realize there are so many things we can do to strengthen our families and our relationships. I hope that I am able to apply these things I am learning in my life!

-Melanie

*Again I do not own images.

My First Few Weeks!

These first few weeks of class have been fascinating! It has really opened my eyes to a lot of things. First off, anyone reading this please know that the things I share are not intended to offend or criticize. These are simply my thoughts and the things I am learning in my Family Relations class.

So, we watched some really interesting videos called New Economic Reality:Demographic Winter. They are kind of long but if you are interested just follow the link. Basically what these videos were talking about was that the birth rates worldwide are declining. They talked about the economic consequences of the declining birth rate. In essence, there will soon not be enough young people to take over for those who are retiring. It was a fascinating thing to watch. I wont go into all the details because there was a lot of information in the two videos, but if you are curious about the statistics and such feel free to watch the video.

Here are some of the things that stood out to me as we did the readings and talked in class.  We spoke of how real love is a commitment to another’s physical and spiritual well being. We read that children should be welcomed and treasured. There was a lot of discussion about people choosing not to have children because they view them as an inconvenience. It is really sad for me to think of all the people who miss out on the wonderful blessing of having children because they are more interested in their career or their own personal goals. President Brigham Young had this to say about having children:

"There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?—To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can.”President Brigham Young. That pretty much sums it up for me!

We talked a lot about how the family is being attacked in every way. That having a traditional family is no longer the norm, in fact it is often looked down on as being “old fashioned”. We discussed how having conflict doesn’t have to mean we are IN conflict. That conflict and fighting are different. Conflict in inherent, but that doesn’t mean we always have to fight. In regards to marriage it isn’t “natural” for two people to become “one”, but we are fighting the natural man. We are trying to become like God.

The last thing I want to discuss was a very interesting thing for me. We went over case studies and the 2005 APA brief (APA= American Psychological Association) that was very influential in the Supreme Court ruling to redefine marriage. The judge that was the swing vote relied heavily on this brief for his decision. What we talked about was the fact that the APA brief was really not very reliable, yet was regarded as fact. It was very interesting to see that this judge did not really understand the “evidence” that he was basing his decision on. This was a good lesson of how we need to be careful when we look at case studies and information. Here is a link if you are interested: The Public Discourse. If anyone is interested I can send you a pdf of someone going over the brief, that helps you understand it more.

In conclusion I love learning about the family, and about what is happening in the world. More importantly I love being more educated so I can more properly fight for and defend the family!

I am sorry if this is scattered and confusing! I am learning so much and I am still figuring out how to write it in a concise, clear manner.

(I do not own the photos, I found them online.)

My First Blog!

Hi! My name is Melanie, and this is the first blog I have used personally. My mom had one for my mission but I never did anything with it.
I am going to BYUI and I have a Family Relations class that requires this blog.
So I will be posting stories, thoughts, and other things related to the family and my schooling!